Golf in the 2016 Olympics

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Master Golf 2018

Have you ever heard of Chess Boxing? No, it’s a real sport. And yes, as you might have guessed, Chess Boxing is a hybrid that combines the game of chess with the sport of boxing. Players play six rounds of chess and five rounds of boxing, alternating between the two. The winner is the first one to score a knockout or a checkmate. Standard rules of boxing and chess apply. Think you’ve got your opponents jab-hook combo sussed? Remember to keep your eye on his Kingside bishop!

And why do I mention chess boxing? Well, perhaps the example of Chess Boxing can offer some fresh ideas to the International Olympic Committee. The World of Wrestling is in uproar. Golf and Rugby are in and Wrestling is out of the Olympics. The IOC says it simply cannot host all the current sports from 2020 onwards. So, something has to give and it would seem to be Wrestling. 1996 Olympic Wrestling Champion Valentin Yordanov of Bulgaria has sent back his medals to the IOC, whilst others have quipped that Golf is a “game” and not a “sport”. Right, unlike archery, or shooting…or synchronised swimming.

But Golf and Wrestling need not be at odds. They can unite over this issue. How?

GOLF WRESTLING!

Come on, imagine it! I don’t know about you, but I quite like the image of Rory McIlroy being thrown around a ring. Or Rory Sabbatini. Or Ian Poulter. Or Chris DiMarco. Or Justin Leonard.

For added drama, we should dispense with the formalities of Greco-Roman Wrestling rules and techniques. Let’s make this WWE (or even ECW) style wrestling! Can you imagine the commentary from the legendary Peter Alliss:

“Tiger Woods. Down by 3 with 4 to play. Crouched over this difficult approach with the 9 Iron. 140 yards from the edge of the bunker. On the left. A slight downward slope. And not the best of lies. He’ll want to fade it a little, but not so much as to find the sand on the right. OH MY WORD! Where did he come from!? Here’s Hunter Mahan with the “Quiet Please” sign and he’s broken it over Tiger’s head! Tiger is struggling and Hunter tries the body slam but Tiger rolls away and recovers magnificently to land the 9 iron to Hunter’s face. Now he shouts to the caddy, ‘Driver, please!”.  But Hunter is back on his feet. Not for long though, as Mahan has stepped on the bunker rake and lands flat on his back in the sand.  Tiger finishes Hunter off in the Tiger Suplex! 1-2-3! Hunter submits and, with that, Tiger is back to 2 Down as we move onto the 16th tee. Now, let’s see what sort of drive Hunter Mahan can conjure up in the midst of a level 2 concussion!”

There are other reasons to applaud such a hybrid venture. It would give John Daly the chance to make his fourteenth comeback and it would give Colin Montgomerie a chance at his first major. Although both men would probably struggle with the golfing aspects of the sport.

As well as this, golf wrestling comes with a ready-made arsenal of improvised weapons. Golf clubs, rakes, signs…you can drive over opponents in golf carts…sand can be thrown in faces. Three golf tees can be places between your fingers in a clenched fist to give your punches the impact of Wolverine!

And hey, by 2016, Vijay Singh’s antlers will probably have grown in, making him the favourite for the Olympic Gold, and ensuring Golf Wrestling tops the ratings!

 

Master Golf 2018

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